


Steel Wool

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Short, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 04:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Summary: It doesn't get any easier.





	Steel Wool

His chest felt like steel wool and static, and every breath he took drowned him in a shallow sea. _In, out_. Don't let anyone notice. Don't let anyone see.

Nausea threatened to overtake him, but he swallowed evenly and strategically released some of the gas bubbles building in his throat silently, hoping that it would quell his urge to gag for the time being.

_In, out. Swallow, release_.

His hands we shaking, growing numb from how tightly they wrung each other. He just needed to breathe, to feel. He needed to stay inside his body, to remember that he was safe. He needed to convince himself that he was safe.

"Pig! Are you going to get on the ice, or what?"

Yuri's voice boomed in his ears and shook him out of his self-soothing state. He jumped on instinct, which only served to make Yuri cackle behind him.

"Loser."

When Yuuri stayed in place, his breathing becoming even more shallow, blades scraped as Yuri came towards him. He stared down at his white, numb hands, trying to remember how to breathe. Trying not to humiliate himself even further.

"Hey," Yuri asked, quieter than before, "what's wrong?"

Yuuri could only shake his head as his throat swelled up with tears. He fought them as they welled in his eyes, but they spilled over anyway. They tracked down his cold cheeks like boiling water, dripping down onto his still-fidgeting hands.

"Oh," Yuri whispered. "Oh…"

He was off the ice in seconds flat, and Yuuri began to cry openly as his hands gripped his shoulders. He stared down at Yuri's skates through blurry eyes, emitting a soft sob.

"Come on." Yuri began to lead him away from the rink. "Do you know where Viktor is?"

Yuuri shook his head, the tiles in the hallway barely visible through his foggy glasses and teary eyes.

"Okay," Yuri murmured. He reached down and took one of Yuuri's hands, prying them apart. Once separated, he held onto it and squeezed lightly. "You're gonna hurt yourself," he chastised.

Yuuri shook his head again with a shrug. Yuri kept hold of his hand as he guided him to the lobby, helping him sit down on a bench. Yuuri trembled, legs bouncing as he tried to breathe through the static.

Yuri's hand grounded him the slightest bit, the warmth of his palm and fingers intertwined with his serving as a tangible reality for Yuuri. He sucked in a ragged breath, letting it out just as shakily.

"You're safe," Yuri assured him, practised from watching Viktor talk him down many times. "We're at the rink, where you're safe."

Yuuri nodded, even if his body seemed to disagree.

"Do you need me to do anything specific?"

Yuuri shook his head, gasping as more tears trailed down his cheeks and gathered on the tip of his nose. "I'm sorry."

Yuri moved closer, putting his free hand on Yuuri's shoulder and rubbing gently. "You don't need to be sorry for anything."

"Burden." Was all Yuuri could manage in response.

"You aren't a burden."

"Pathetic."

"Look at me."

When Yuuri refused, Yuri's hand snaked up to cup his cheek. He gently pried Yuuri's face up until they could lock eyes. Yuri's harsh viridans had become soft, almost dewy. Yuuri trembled under his touched and cringed as his tears rolled over Yuri's patient hand.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Yuri assured him. "I'm here. You're safe. You aren't a burden, or pathetic."

"But-"

"No," Yuri cut him off firmly, never breaking eye contact. "Don't listen to your head. Listen to me."

Yuuri nodded, sobbing softly and pressing his cheek against Yuri's palm. "I'm sorry."

"Shh." Yuri let go of his hand and cheek, pulling him into a close hug. "No more apologizing."

Yuuri hugged him gratefully, hiding his face in the crook of Yuri's neck. He bit back the urge to apologize for apologizing.

"I've got you," Yuri soothed. "You're safe."

Yuuri tried to mimic the rise and fall of Yuri's chest, to take note of his breathing. Yuri's skin and shirt became wet with tears, and Yuuri sniffled, hugging him closer.

"Let it out, it's alright."

Yuuri shook his head; it wasn't. 

"It is," Yuri argued softly. "It's okay, Yuuri."

His tears eventually stopped, and the state of intense panic subsided. His stomach still churned, and his breathing still made his lungs ache. His chest still felt like steel wool and static. But the sense of imminent danger was mostly gone.

Yuuri stayed where he was in Yuri's arms, shifting so that his head was resting on his shoulder instead of buried in his neck. He let out an exhausted breath, grateful that Yuri made no move to let go.

"Has the worst of it passed?" He asked hesitantly.

Yuuri nodded, sheepishly, opening his mouth to apologize.

"You've got this," Yuri whispered. "You're strong. You've got this."

He didn't feel strong. He remained limp in Yuri's tight hold, keeping his hands wrapped around his waist and resisting the urge to pull away and start picking at his skin, or wringing his hands together again.

"I'm not… ready to…" he trailed off.

"I know." Yuri rubbed his back in soothing motions. "We don't have to go back yet."

Yuuri hummed a quiet thanks, settling comfortably against Yuri and preparing to wait out the aftershocks.

"Yuuri?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry for messing with you. I didn't know you were… you know."

Yuuri tugged himself closer to Yuri. "I know you didn't. It's okay." After a few moments of silence, he added, "and, just to be clear, I _was_ already panicky before you shouted. This wasn't your fault at all."

Yuri seemed to decompress at that, sighing. 

"Yuuri?"

"Hmm?"

"Come to me next time, okay?"


End file.
